Monday, September 13, 2004

Bill Maher Gets It Right

Last night on Larry King Live Bill Maher was on top of his game:

KING: But they [the Bushies] were rough on terrorism. They weren't sensitive. In fact, they criticized sensitivity toward terrorists.

MAHER: Well, Dick Cheney criticized it. A guy who had five deferments, an unlisted phone number and lives in a hole. That's the guy that criticized -- sensitive.


MAHER: It does work. I mean, the swiftboat stuff works.

KING: What about it?

MAHER: Well, I think it's...

KING: 250 guys, that's a lot of guys saying.

MAHER: That's 250 guys who weren't there. OK? You and I both work for the same giant corporation, right?

KING: We do.

MAHER: It's like me saying, you know what, Larry King works over at the Time Warner conglomerate. I'm going to judge him. I'm going to say, he's not doing the right thing there. I have been hearing some things about the way he runs his show. I don't think -- they weren't there. The people who are closer to the action and closer to the boat tend to support Kerry's side.

Also, how come...

KING: Plus the Pentagon, the actual papers.

MAHER: How come when Bush wants to defend himself about showing up in Alabama, which plainly, he never did. I mean there's not one credible witness who has come forward to say, I was with George Bush in Alabama. Don't you think, given the kind of comradery that men under arms have, if they were together at any point, somebody would have said, I remember George Bush, kind of a frat boy, liked to snort the coke, whatever it was, or didn't. But that somebody would have come forward.

OK, no. But they say well here we have the discharge papers. Oh, the military issued the discharge papers, anything the military does is beyond reproach. How come when the military issues Bush's discharge papers, discussion closed. But Kerry's medals, also issued by the military, somehow, they're very suspect, we better look into that.


MAHER: It's funny, people keep asking me that since the Republican convention, does Kerry have a chance? Well, unless the media comes up with any more embarrassing medals, I think he still has a chance. I still think he has a chance, because we have debates, which I understand that they're in the final process of negotiating. Kerry wants 115 debates for each of his positions on the war and Bush wants one, as long as John Kerry signs a loyalty oath and promises not to speak.

That's another thing. Why doesn't John Kerry just explain. This is exactly what happened to Al Gore, refuse to explain simple things, like he wasn't a huge liar about the Internet. He just let it go. They have absolutely lambasted Kerry about his statement saying, I voted for the $87 billion before I voted against it.

OK. An unfortunate choice of words. But really, the explanation is very simple. There were two versions of the bill. He liked one and didn't like the other. Same as George Bush. George Bush was ready to veto one form of that bill.

And by the way, the form of the bill John Kerry liked was the one that said to get that $87 billion, we're going to take the richest 1 percents tax cut and give it back to the soldiers instead of having the rich people get it. And George Bush just wanted to spend more borrowed money. So once again, John Kerry crazy man.


MAHER: A question was asked two years ago to seniors. The question was, in the last six months, how much of a problem was it to get the prescription medicine you needed? 86 percent, no problem what so ever, 9.4 percent, a small problem.

So almost 96 percent of seniors said this is not a problem, and yet George Bush, because he's willing to spend every penny in the treasury to get reelected, pushed through this giant entitlement bill that is only going to get bigger for people who do not need it. This is what you should be upset about, not that a Congressman is making $135,000 instead of $125,000.

KING: But that bill brought great consternation to conservatives.

MAHER: As well it should, because he spends money like a drunken sailor. I don't mean that as an insult to drunken sailors. Michael Jackson in Toys R Us spends less money than this guy.

. . . .

MAHER: The media is -- I don't think the media is really left wing or right wing. I think they're lazy, stupid and bitchy.

. . . .

KING: You don't think Iraq is becoming Vietnam, do you?

MAHER: No. In Vietnam, George Bush had an exit strategy. I'm joking, of course. But there are certainly some areas that are similar. It is something of a quagmire.

I think it was interesting, when George Bush was on with Tim Russert, I think it was. He said what bothered me about Vietnam was, it was a political war. Politicians were making decisions. You really should let the military take care of it once you go in there.

Well now I notice that military commanders in Iraq, I think there's one named Lieutenant General James Conway, I believe is his name, he was saying recently, when we went into Fallujah, it was not done right. When you send the marines to take a city, you can't vacillate. He used that word about George Bush, the resolute, vacillating. You either take it or you don't.

We talked about this before about the fact that, George Bush said we have to show the Arabs strength, that's the only thing they understand is strength. And I agree with that. But he's not showing them strength. That little idiot Sadr, that Muqtada Sadr, he runs into the mosque, I'm on base, you can't get me now, I'm on base.

We're not showing them strength. And we're also running this thing, according to our election timetable. So, we're not going to take back these no-go zones. Half this country now is not in our control, because we don't want a big fight right before the election.

But at some point, if we want to make this work, we're going to have to take back these cities. And what this general is saying, you just make it harder, you make it more costly if we have to go in again and take them. So, you tell me that George Bush isn't playing politics with American soldier's lives, because he is.

. . . .
MAHER: [BUSH is] like the ventriloquist with the dummy [re: 527s]. I can't help it. Ladies and gentlemen, I can't help what my dummy says. Come on. You know, the 527s are for George Bush what paramilitary death squads were for South American juntas, you know. Just somebody that does their dirty work. We don't know what the death squads are doing.

KING: Hold on. Kerry has dirty work done for him, too.

MAHER: Absolutely accepted. Yes, but I don't think they're spreading vicious unfounded lies about George Bush. You don't have to lie about George Bush's record, you just have to tell the truth.

. . . .
MAHER: I don't pretend that John Kerry has all the answers, but Bush has none and he's cheating off Jenny's paper. John Kerry isn't the best candidate I've ever seen, but macaroni and cheese is better than sand and spit. And that's pretty much to me the choice that we have.



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