Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Rude Pundit Rules

The Teeny-Tiny President Visits the Great Big Hall:

Our teeny-tiny President visited the great big hall at the United Nations yesterday. The teeny-tiny President tried to make himself feel bigger with a great big motorcade and great big security measures that forced the gigantic huge city to come to a halt. But, in the end, when he entered the great big auditorium of the General Assembly, where leaders of nations teeny-tiny and great big, he was, as always, a teeny-tiny president.

Oh, how the teeny-tiny President, in his teeny-tiny body, flailed about and tried to convince the others there that his teeny-tiny way was the best. When the teeny-tiny President declared, "Since the last meeting of this General Assembly, the people of Iraq have regained sovereignty," somewhere in the hall the delegation from Liechtenstein chortled at the teeny-tiny President for saying such cute lies with his teeny-tiny tinny tinhorn voice.

When the teeny-tiny President waved his teeny-tiny finger and said, "Through the Millennium Challenge Account, my nation is increasing our aid to developing nations that expand economic freedom and invest in the education and health of their own people," somewhere in that great big hall, the representative from Nauru shook his head at the idea that the United States gets to judge the morality of other nations in giving aid.

When the teeny-tiny President felt his teeny-tiny-weeny cock grow to just teeny-tiny as he stated, "AIDS is the greatest health crisis of our time, and our unprecedented commitment will bring new hope to those who have walked too long in the shadow of death," the delegate from Guinea-Bissau sadly, slowly nodded in recognition of the promises made, broken, made, broken, a great big cycle from the teeny-tiny President speaking on the great big dais.

The teeny-tiny President spoke of great big ideals - human rights, democracy, social progress. But teeny-tiny words coming from a teeny-tiny mind yield only teeny-tiny reactions. The only reason anyone listened in that great big hall is that the teeny-tiny President is the leader of a great big country filled with teeny-tiny people who think that the teeny-tiny President is much, much more than a teeny-tiny man who got smaller and smaller with every word he spoke in the great big hall.

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